We all have things we hide from others. I venture to say few of us are entirely transparent with even those most relationally close to us. Transparency can be viewed as equal to vulnerability the next door neighbor of danger! A willingness to be vulnerable is a significant feature to be protected in relationships — relationships in which both individuals are allies, not foes. How do we reach healthy vulnerability and trust? How do we make transparency safe? We innately seek a mutually protected alliance in our interpersonal relationships, this is normal behavior… outside of this other options are more dysfunctional.
I believe this is also an undertone of falling in love. The conflicting search we see interwoven throughout our life to be both cared for and caregiver to another person. This is not necessarily the same person in all areas. This role may be fulfilled through different people, different periods of our life. This of course requires tuning in to others and not being so focused on ourselves. Being self-focused is the nature of our society! So we fight the man, rail against the machine known as culture? There are so many things we as a society allow to carry us, trends, fads…popular this or that… Making personal decisions and standing up for them, even alone, is not generally part of those trends. Relationships have become so disposable but we were created relational and relationships were made to have longevity. I believe we are rushing through life that we lose the secure attachments necessary to develop healthy relationships. Those secure attachments create positive views in many areas of our lives and self. What can we do to facilitate closer bonds with one another? Lets take some time to think about the concept of attachment and consider ways we can deepen that bond between each other… reconnecting to community.
How can healthy relationships, and connections with other people help us be better people?
- create and maintain a safe environment
- Don’t always go on feelings, consult facts first
- Connect w/different part of self -we are not soloists
- Develop, cultivate, and maintain compassion and empathy
- create a we with people, that encompass two I’s
- Ask questions if you are not sure what someone else is communicating
- Be fully present when spending time with others, live in the here and now