Being Human.

Sometimes the things that you’re looking for, you can’t see with your eyes. You have to see them with your heart. –Peter Pan

There is so much about being human that we resist understanding through compassion. But its the only way . Collective compassion.

The world would be a better place if more people understood that. So many people these days feel they have something to prove or must one up the “other guy”. It’s not necessary.
It seems to me those who believe they have something to prove never succeed in doing so… Sadly the continue to try often by taking others down as they trudge that lonely path. We all have something unique to us and special to contribute in this life.

One of the most potent lies the enemy (and we all have an ambiguous enemy whatever name you like to call it by) made me believe for years was this, “You are all alone.” This was the furthest thing from the truth! I did not have my ideal set up in relationships and could not identify what I had so I believed I was alone. I felt alone, I isolated myself and I had up borders like the Berlin Wall surrounding my heart and keeping people at arms length or further for so long. This effort was all in vain. My attempt was to protect myself from hurt and more pain. To protect myself from being taken advantage of or used and tossed aside… I was successful in doing that but I was most successful in loneliness.
For the most part no one knew this, I was the clown, the one to make people laugh and the one people called when they needed something but inside I was dying over and over like Groundhog Day everyday I would wake up and instead of reliving the same day I would relive sacrificing myself on an alter set up to pay homage to protection from the pain of failed relationships. Nothing good came of all this hard work.

If only they’d look closer, they’d find out there’s so much more to me.

I became a chameleon. I was hurting but for some reason I believed I MUST run through my day with not only a smile on my face but also I must put a smile on others faces… Or else? I don’t know maybe it was a distraction tactic or a way to feel less broken.

I have recently encountered three suicide a in my own personal 6° of separation. One of those 3 was a very kind man that I thought a great deal of… I knew he was hurting deeply but did not know what to do other than to keep my patience and show him love. Unfortunately all the love in the world being shown to him was not enough, he did not love himself. He is gone now. I know everyday people choose the permanent solution to their problems and this has created  a sort of twisty painful kind of void.

I obviously did not permanently end my pain but found other means to help myself. Others invested in me and I invested in me. So let me beg you, reach out to others… Don’t be self centered. We are self centered people… Not on purpose but by default.  I challenge you to make a conscious effort to change someone’s day and in-effect you may be changing someone life.

Surrendering your need to be validated and approved of at all times, your ego, your control over things in life that are ultimately uncontrollable, and doing all this with the motivation of loving the imperfect human is truly the greatest thing we can do for each other.





A kind of Flamethrower and nightlight stream of consciousness

Where is an individuals sense of character as it is connected to an overall sense of where he or she lines up in the spectrum of life…

What landed you where you are and influenced the style in which you interact with society and/or others in personal/professional relationships with you…

Life can throw some very sour lemons at us at times… spoiled tomatoes and even rotten eggs for that matter. We cannot predict or determine to an exact degree where our path will take us or who we will meet along the way. In a sense there is joy to be found in this wonder!

streamconscious_landingLet me pose this… How much of yourself do you chose to show in public arenas? At work, church, school, or other places an individual may go in life? Generations vary in this answer but what about you are you a statistic or do you have an interesting point of view, think about it…

We continue on despite adversity. We continue to survive and many go on to thrive but some do not. Everyone knows people and is a person that fits into one of those categories and if there’s luck or blessings involved some people have been in each of those categories and come out on the thriving side for good. There is no guaranteed silver spoon nor is there a stamp of damaged goods that should be considered permanent. It is great to be here, on this muddy ball known as Earth. Not always a pleasure but there is always a sunrise for a new day after every dark night.
Sometimes I feel I am wondering around in a haze of a convoluted stream of consciousness. Scratching my head hoping to remember where I was going, what I did with the remote and the milk jug and grasping at the sense of wonder I cherished from childhood. Not that my day is spent as a bad remake of Sybil but theres enough fog to go around sometimes. On those days, it seems everything is a challenge and I hold onto the little things that I know bring me joy and try my best to let the rest go. I remind myself of the words spoken to me by others that love me or passed through my life for a fleeting moment. Fog-less days I attempt to spend onto of the world striving toward making change and creating greatness.

I don’t believe there is time in this short life to be heady and neurotic. There are “things” of higher priority, at least on my list, that race for the head of the line such as people and relationships. What do you have if you do not have someone to love and to love you in return…
No matter your faith or religious background there is a real enemy out there in this world and the greatest of enemies lives in your home… this enemies name is self.
We have a choice daily to overcome self, to put self down, and to put others first. Sadly this is not the norm. Not in our society of “what about me” and “number 1” referring to the individual making the cultural reference. Honestly navigating through life without a peace between you and yourself is much like being inside Jumanji without A machete, a Flamethrower or a nightlight. (Remember you’re a child) So maybe no flamethrower reconsider you’re without your scouts fire starting badge. If we are not careful, in our pain we can become emotional vampires. No matter the amount of of draining done there will be no endowment of power transforming you/me from mere mortal to demigod or god on Olympus in efforts to open the next door with nothing but your eyes. We can however do quick stop offs to obtain refueling as laughter does give you a brief neuron pump and that help or a nice serotonin fix.

Before I lose you, let me just say… live as you! strive to be you… refuse to compare,10449465_10203774356936656_120523941192170562_n compromise, or dampen who you are… You are enough. I am still learning these things. I am still reminding myself of this on a daily basis and not to mention still finding out more about who the whole me is deep down inside that dark abyss.
So many things in my life have caused me to really deeply appreciate human contact and the value of friends and family… how precious that is. When I say family… hear me in that family does not come by birth. Part of your and my family is by birth and part are by choice.  Compassion can be contagious and we are lacking in this area any more. 

Every moment we have in life is precious. People matter more and work, money, acquiring all matter much less than the societal emphasis. Search yourself… Sometimes we are living in the middle of the darkest night and we need one of those loved ones to reach out and lead us through because maybe they remembered to pack their flamethrower or even a mere match. If they don’t know you or I are hurting how can they know to reach out a hand to lead us? And friends… pay attention. Loving others can cost us everything and cost us nothing simultaneously. Sometimes we are living on an island and sometimes you are a really nice apartment above a meth lab.