I’m full of contradictions, absurdities, insecurities and flaws. This doesn’t mean I show them all the time or to everyone. I like to think of myself as a cultural chameleon of sorts but that is subjective. My family has said I am the pomegranate that fell from an apple tree. I can see and agree with that however I find I have developed or adopted some of my grandmother AND mothers traits the older I grow. I love to travel, meet new people, and experience the beauty painted across our world. I believe in compassion and giving back because someone once gave to me, invested in me and believed in me… so I do this for others as often as I can! I have left pieces of my heart in each of the wonderful places I have visited. I enjoy hot tea and cream, caramel coffee black, camels, dancing, red umbrellas, polka dots, Frank Sinatra, black and grey clothing, painting, creative writing…. I could go on. I have several nicknames. It all just depends on what group of people you ask in my life. Those who know me I am sure can identify them but for the rest of you I will leave you in wonder!
Something others say I should positive talk myself into believing… You are beautiful and unique in your own amazing way! Don’t ever let anyone sabotage or doubt that… not even yourself. I don’t know that I yet believe positive self talk is effective for me but I enjoy others finding me as good company and if you don’t thats okay too, I don’t take it personally. Not everyone can appreciate art. I often review myself as unique indeed and maybe a little eccentric or eclectic. Weird is a perception though it is all relevant to the perceiver. What matters when the day comes to an end is how was your life spent, wasted, or used up? Did I make the most of the short time I was given?
I write about my journey, with all its heartbreak, passion & joy. I hope something I have to say will be useful or meaningful for someone along the way. If not it was a fun exercise! I choose to collect memories as I go instead of filling a house with things that will turn to dust and one day blow away.
With all of this said I must tell you I believe it is important to celebrate one another. I have been bullied a lot in my short lifetime. Growing up there was always at the very least one bully lurking around that enjoyed entertaining his or her self at my expense. I learned a great deal from those experiences. For years I was guarded and careful of others. There was also a mentality that develop as if this was life, normality…to be bullied. I became accepting and felt in a sense deserving for being less than others. Im not less than anyone. It took me a long time to come to that realization. I am not less than anyone. To you I say you are not less than anyone no matter your perceived deficits. You are enough.
I love how the Lord leads us. He saw me when I was broken. I allowed others to beat me down because I thought I deserved it. I thought it was the hierarchy of society and acceptable. It is not. When I thought i was completely invisible He saw me. Then He began speaking to me and I recognized His voice. He is SO creative in speaking to us! I would see Him everywhere and hear His voice constantly. I began to realize how HE felt about me and that in reality THAT is the voice that matters, HIS is the mind that matters. HE conceived me in His thoughts before I ever existed. I may be strange but He finds me beautiful. He uses such a wide variety of people and methods to let us know what His will is, and what direction to take. He has been directing my path long before I knew Him. I have made mistakes and that was not HIS doing or leading but He has had a path lit for me to follow since my conception. How humbling and overwhelming is that sobering reality…
I love Psalm 19! (okay theologians don’t choke on your own gasp) How brilliant and magical… “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork…” To me, God is an artist.
He can speak through movies, flowers, sunsets, grandmothers, books, children, and so many things! He is incredibly multi-faceted, and I love seeing the creativity of God on display. We were made in His image so of course that would explain my inclination and others desire to create. One thing I have learned and I will leave you with is keep dreaming those dreams because I believe God placed those seeds in your heart and mind. I am a dreamer and sometimes things are not what that are perceived to be and for that I am grateful. I have found myself in places I never want to go but once arriving there I would find a precious gift from God Himself. Sometimes that was provision, sometimes it was sweet sweet people who became dear friends. For all God’s gifts to me I am grateful.
I said that was my last thought but… well heres one more. Invest in others. It creates change and we all need change. Believe in others enough to give of yourself to help them succeed and God will see that you succeed.
To those of you whom believed in me, invested in me, and have cheered me on… a million times over…