Why My Heart is After Adopting… (Info up to date as of 2/6/2013)

Many people have asked me WHY? so I wanted to share some info:
                               One-Child Policy and encounters with the enforcers:

A Chinese official from Wenzhou, China, crushed a 13-month old baby-boy to death by driving over him after the parents refused to pay a fine for violating China’s one-child policy.

The socially acceptable statement that has been released for public consumption is “Under China’s population controls, instituted more than 30 years ago, couples who have more than one child must pay a “social upbringing” fine, while in some cases mothers have been forced to undergo abortions.” This is not the case for most situations….

“There was widespread outrage last year after a woman who had been forced to abort seven months into her pregnancy was pictured with the bloody fetus.”

On March 29, 2012, Paul Joseph Watson brought attention to the brutal face of China’s one-child policy, describing how a 9-month old baby was forcibly aborted, after which it was thrown in a bucket… Because the parents of the baby already had a child, they were hunted down and forced to comply with China’s draconian one child policy… The mother was injected with a poison that induced an abortion, but after the baby was “pulled out inhumanly like a piece of meat,” it was still alive and began to cry before doctors slung the defenseless child into a bucket and left it to die according to Paul Joseph Watson. There were photos but they are so heart breaking I could not bring myself to post them. 

Recently the Chinese Health Agency released a staggering figure. Since 1971, the government has performed 336 million abortions.  Researchers say that breaks down to 13 million abortions per year, or about 1,500 every hour.  The are also responsible for 196 million sterilizations. 

Our country is not necessarily safe from this policy occurring here. Obamas current science czar John Holdren has said…
Forced abortions. Mass sterilization. A “Planetary Regime” with the power of life and death over American citizens.
Direct quotes from his release of Ecoscience

Indeed, it has been concluded that compulsory population-control laws, even including laws requiring compulsory abortion, could be sustained under the existing Constitution if the population crisis became sufficiently severe to endanger the society.

One way to carry out this disapproval might be to insist that all illegitimate babies be put up for adoption—especially those born to minors, who generally are not capable of caring properly for a child alone. If a single mother really wished to keep her baby, she might be obliged to go through adoption proceedings and demonstrate her ability to support and care for it. Adoption proceedings probably should remain more difficult for single people than for married couples, in recognition of the relative difficulty of raising children alone. It would even be possible to require pregnant single women to marry or have abortions, perhaps as an alternative to placement for adoption, depending on the society.

Adding a sterilant to drinking water or staple foods is a suggestion that seems to horrify people more than most proposals for involuntary fertility control. Indeed, this would pose some very difficult political, legal, and social questions, to say nothing of the technical problems. No such sterilant exists today, nor does one appear to be under development. To be acceptable, such a substance would have to meet some rather stiff requirements: it must be uniformly effective, despite widely varying doses received by individuals, and despite varying degrees of fertility and sensitivity among individuals; it must be free of dangerous or unpleasant side effects; and it must have no effect on members of the opposite sex, children, old people, pets, or livestock.

Involuntary fertility control 
A program of sterilizing women after their second or third child, despite the relatively greater difficulty of the operation than vasectomy, might be easier to implement than trying to sterilize men. 
The development of a long-term sterilizing capsule that could be implanted under the skin and removed when pregnancy is desired opens additional possibilities for coercive fertility control. The capsule could be implanted at pubertyand might be removable, with official permission, for a limited number of births.

If some individuals contribute to general social deterioration by overproducing children, and if the need is compelling, they can be required by law to exercise reproductive responsibility—just as they can be required to exercise responsibility in their resource-consumption patterns—providing they are not denied equal protection.

In today’s world, however, the number of children in a family is a matter of profound public concern. The law regulates other highly personal matters. For example, no one may lawfully have more than one spouse at a time. Why should the law not be able to prevent a person from having more than two children?

If this could be accomplished, security might be provided by an armed international organization, a global analogue of a police force. Many people have recognized this as a goal, but the way to reach it remains obscure in a world where factionalism seems, if anything, to be increasing. The first step necessarily involves partial surrender of sovereignty to an international organization.

 view the actual contents of the book online for free

the quotes can go on and on… We must keep ourselves aware… 



Thank you for the Reminder:

Except for Grace

Today I have grace on my mind:

Grace is often overlooked by individuals identifying themselves with Christ that have actually not had a face to face encounter with Him. Those people often utter the words grace only when they seek it for themselves and desire God to deliver them grace for their own situation and needs. As far as delivering grace and understanding to individuals around them there seems to be a shortage. Gods love covers all, clears our past, bears our pain and sin, He takes our place and holds the only authority to pronounce judgement however often others calling themselves Christians feel their authority is superior to God Himself and deem certain people are not forgiven and lord over them their mistakes. God has the ultimate say and who are we as mere humans to identify anyone with their sins when God our Father does not even remember their sins! 


We are not Gods hall monitors called to scour the earth for wrong doers to see they are rightly punished in a social court or church forum.  

Forgiven by God is forever forgotten.
Who are we?

When God delivers a person He does not cookie cut deliverance’s and each persons experiences is uniquely designed for that individuals needs. One person may be delivered and behind a pulpit in 6 months delivered profound messages from the word by Grace but a second may walk out his deliverance through discipleship and a daily needs for others to invest in for a lengthier time until they have reached a point they are able to step into what God has purposed for them. There are so many variables but the common denominator in deliverance and forgiveness is God. There is no holy timer. 

I believe in the love of God. I believe we have the capability to love others with the same love He first loves us with providing we choose to do so! Many of us suffering with the human condition do not choose such. 

Sometimes the lack of love in this world hits me like a freight train and knocks my feet out from under me and my the breath from my body but as I lay on my back often with tears in my eyes my focus is straight up… and i realize my focus has ventured to those around me and I am able to realign my focus to stay fixed on HIM! His love is sufficient and provides me with the ability to love others I could not have done without Him. 

People are flawed. They run about scaring themselves and others and all we can do is strive to show His love and His grace and understanding that it is our finite faulty nature that is the catalyst for such behavior! 

We can do more
We can give more
We can invest and love
give hope and encouragement
and break the cycle of finger pointing, 
name calling, and false identification. 

We are not the givers of life and thus have no authority over the identity of those living.

Sinking Ship

I try to live a life that reflects the positive I see and the love I have for others. That said today is one of those Debbie Downer days when I have to do as David did and… Encourage Myself…. I guess I could allow myself to wallow in my own self-pity and have an internal dialogue of how terrible my life is but in all honesty and truthfulness I have a beautiful life of imperfection. There are people out in this world, ones I even know by name that go to bed hungry at night and struggle to sleep because of hunger pangs; others that are forced to give themselves unwillingly to a man or group of men so they might live another day to be tortured  with the hope of rescue.
The truth is there is hope! God is faithful to His word, and His word is truth! Those things I remind myself throughout days like today. My flesh, my human condition desires to crawl in bed and reflect on pitiful things that if they were just different….if they were not as they are my life would be so much better but I cannot say that honestly knowing it would be better! 

I can reflect on the blessings God has given me, even undeservingly He gifts me daily! 

Salvation and an Eternal Father who knows me better than I know myself/has a plan for me
Family that loves me whether they understand me or not
An incredible church family
Godly examples of how to live as well as those showing how not to live
The Bible, a guide, a treasure map for my journey
A Future 
A Best friend and we all know those are hard to come by
Technology, medical advances despite no insurance, and a connection to the entire world
Desire, passion, compassion, and hope
Music and laughter
Journaling and hot tea
Books, blogs, knowledge, and learning

Sometimes I feel I am falling slowly through a very long day but in the moment before I crash I am always provided with what I believed and hoped for, a hand to catch me. Vulnerability is not my strength but I have found things kept secret, hidden away and covered by shame just grow. So I share this because I want to encourage others who are dealing with struggles silently that there is a forum somewhere whether it is online or with a friend, even a hotline or seek a counselor/Pastor. It is not always easy to trust people because everyone has been let down at one time or another but life is short and there is no time to waste suffering alone through life’s trials and struggles. 

I am one of those people that happen to believe there is more for me than what i see around me, then how others decide to define me. I have been called many things by people I have considered my mentors and the problem was not that I identified myself as those things but rather my choice in mentors. I desired to be poured into as I still do and hope I always will. I do not want to ever stagnate and cease growing and learning. I just have to be wise. Those things that have been said to me and about me come back to me on days like today reminding me who the world and others think I am or how I am identified but Holy Spirit reminds me who God says I am. Who I am in Christ and what I am called/purposed for in this world. Those words light me up, set me on fire and I desire to be a burning (wo)man! I desire to always burn with an intensity greater than the strength of the words said to me and over me by individuals who thought they knew more than God! I am a dreamer! I desire to change the world! I am special, different, a seeker of things greater than myself. The love of God I have found conquers all. 


A Character Building Kind of Day…


You know those days when nothing goes right, everyone you cross paths with seems to be unhappy with you for some reason or another? Those days when your late for work, the traffic is heavy, the coffee you ordered is completely wrong, and now someone at your job has a complaint for you…

How do you respond? What are your thoughts concerning the individuals seemingly making your day worse… time running short and self dragging along.

This is a day like many other days with very dissimilar content but the same feelings occurring. This is considered a character building day. A chance for you and I to become better people, more Christ like.  A test even, to provide you with the understanding of your current state of character.

How do you treat the people that have the ability to do nothing for you?

You may consider the “tests” for lack of a better word, in your day a type of pressure, and how we respond to pressure is determined by the strength of our foundation in God. When you trust in God, the God who is love, who created us to love and be loved, it creates a certain amount of unexplained desire to love others. Your life is an open book to those around you, especially in your character building days and onlookers can tell what you desire by how you pursue the proverbial it. This type of day has the potential to make an exceptional change in your and my life because we cannot become what we need to be to God and others by fighting to remain who or what we currently are.

 Maybe this is the type of “thing” James spoke about when he said in chapter 1 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” When you are tested and tried not only does perseverance emerge but Character!

AGAIN- be aware of the character-building potential of desperation. James, “a bondservant of God,” wrote: “The testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:3-4).

The apostle Paul wrote that he would boast only of his weaknesses. Likewise, we must be moved to “take pleasure” in anything that pushes us past our natural ability to cope (see 2 Cor. 12:9-10).

“I strongly believe that love is the answer and that it can mend even the deepest unseen wounds. Love can heal, love can console, love can strengthen, and yes, love can make change.” 
― Somaly Mam, The Road of Lost Innocence: The True Story of a Cambodian Heroine

Physical and emotional challenges, limitations, weaknesses and setbacks drive us to God for help. Paul says our frailty draws His power to us.

Spoons, never enough spoons to go around…

    I try not to talk about myself as much as possible because i don’t want to get in a rut of complaining about what I wish i had, how things could be different, or why me… Because of the human condition and the way the world has become our bodies are only finite and incapable of impermeably perfect health. I do what I can to take care of myself such as exercise, supplements, medicine, and a positive encouraging environment when permissible. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. Here is an amazing link I want to share with those of you who are interested in my day. It is a short story of the truth about invisible (on the outside) chronic illness that will change your understanding. 



    Still me… stuck inside a body unwilling to bend to my desires… God knows what it looks like for me on the other side of all this and what I will learn from and how i will benefit myself and others from this journey.  No i do not enjoy it and there is no attention i receive through this. 
     A fatigue-based illness nearly runs the life it is attacking.  Despite great effort to avoid its imperious nature to take over it wins out most of the time leaving me feeling defeated.  I have those things i keep near to remind me of the good times during the worst times just as I journal and try to take my mind off what is currently going on inside me via any outlet I can find. I know this is inconvenient to most but it doesn’t stop me from wanting my friends to keep in touch with me when I am not capable of chasing after them or keeping up. 
    I am not living the way I do because of depression, choice, or desire to be lazy.  I try to make the most out of my good days and many times I push it on the bad ones which also can create more bad ones. I hope some of you will be understanding and if you have questions just ask. I may not have an answer. Often I am not able to just jump in the car and come see you as much as I want to, really want to so don’t forget me or take it personal if I can’t. 
       I miss the life I lived before I was forced to change my lifestyle but everyone fights something and some fight more than one thing. There are so many in this world with diseases you cannot see so for the sake of those you love who are healthy be supportive to the ones who are not; who knows if you will find yourself or the one closest to you in that boat needed a support system. 

    I am not finished living, I don’t give up, Im not a quitter, and there is so much I want to conquer and right now this is at the top of my list. So if you want to support me… talk to me… be understanding, and if you don’t understand help me help you by saying so in a nice way not judgmentally. 

Yes I need to be remembered sometimes. 

    What i don’t need is someone to tell me how I am not believing in God enough, must have sin in my life, should just get up because everyone gets tired, or put it out of my mind and if I don’t focus on it, it will go away eventually. None of these things would be told to an individual with a visible illness and I don’t need them either. If any of those things were remotely true wouldn’t my life be better than it’s current state of quality. 


I want to make the most out of every day whether Im in the middle of a flare up or the best day in weeks but I cannot do that alone, no one can… God made us to be relational beings.
I am not a weak person, I am not a waste, but I am making it sometimes a day at a time. 

Petrified Sacred Society

let’s build a panic room the world’s getting bad

close the windows and nail them shut,
lock up the doors and board them over to make sure nobody gets in who’s unlike us…
we need to protect what we have rightfully earned and built with our very own hands because
someone will come in and take it dear friends…

Isn’t this our mentality these days? Yeah things are hard in life but it doe not ever justify our behavior that goes against The Word of God. When someone asks for a mile we are to give them two. When someone is cold and asks to borrow a jacket we are to take ours off and give it to them to keep. Give, give give, its not so hard! But our minds are set for the taking experience!

I have played the fool, oh so well in this game of life. I tried making it on my own hoarding my acquired possessions. The ones give to me by God anyway. It didn’t work out so well. It broke me. It brought me to the complete understanding of my true self, finite self, fragile and easily destroyed self.

Do we not realize the walls being built between the us and them? To keep out those who do not speak our language, who are not “like” us? Why? Fear? The false evidence we have created to justify our actions and cause it to appear as real as humanly possible.

Our prophets are nicer
kinder and sweeter
We’ve partnered in their great reward
They bless us with peace
In exchange for a token
What more could we ever ask for?

this is our current cultural temperature in much of the church and we call it seeker sensitive, seeker friendly, gentle and understanding

we don’t acknowledged the disillusioned gospel being fed to the broken in need of a Savior. His sacrifice wasn’t sweet, He was tortured and broken, beaten and died! Nothing pretty there. His words were love and warning nothing sugar coated nothing dressed up. HELLO!
Where has the backbone of standard been hidden? The truth is STILL relevant but we cannot think for a moment our finite ways are so much greater than the Almighty’s that we must “fix” the gospel for it to be received.
We must give the truth and allow God to cultivate, HIS plan is a well oiled machine that works to perfection if we all do the job we have been asked to do and in the WAY HE has asked us t do “it”, whatever “it” is!!!

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” 
― Corrie ten Boom